Enhanced Reality TV

I’m not big on reality TV, but provided everyone involved is treated humanely, it’s not my place to judge what consenting adults choose top do in the privacy of a TV series with millions of viewers.

That said, I am amazed what people will put themselves through. Take The Moment of Truth, a show where people were asked a ton of revealing questions about themselves on lie detector and had to answer them in front of their friends, family, and a live studio audience for money. And if you like train wrecks, look up Episode Five of that show. Do it. Hey. I’m not joking. DO IT. Take it ALLLLL in.

You back? Good.

Then there was a show called Bridalplasty, where women competed in events for plastic surgery before their weddings, which sounds bad, but only because it was. Super-duper bad.

Not to mention all these dating shows where people get real sloppy. Just pick a streaming app and search “Reality TV.” You’ll find dozens.

But recently I’ve been thinking, what if we could harness this power for good? What if we replaced shows where you embarrass yourself, eat food that makes you want to throw up, or get in shouting matches with other people because “you’re not here to make friends,” with shows where we trick people into making the world a better place to get their 15 minutes of fame?

I’m talking shows like…

Acts of Service: Where the contestants are all trying to win the heart of an attractive heir/heiress whose biggest hobby is giving back to the community? Every week those tv “stars” have to compete to be the best at local community service and pretending to have values they don’t care about to receive a… I don’t know, a sustainable, locally grown wildflower. But the scam is that they actually end up helping local causes. The drama and competing for attention is as fake as ever, but the volunteering is real!

Or how about…

Vox Populi: We’re living in a nightmarish dystopia where unqualified bozos frequently end up in political offices. Let’s make that a show! But the thing is, each contestant only has a certain amount of money to invest in community projects for the best possible results. And the celebrity judges (got to have those) eliminate one person a week until the winner receives… I don’t know, a million bucks for an election campaign? Disclaimer: we’re really going to have to screen for racists, sexists, and homophobes in the selection process, but otherwise, a slam dunk!

And because all good things come in threes, we could also have:

Let Them Eat Cake: OK, so it’s a cooking competition show. But here’s the twist: the chefs aren’t trying to make four plates of ridiculously complicated food. They’re trying to make delicious food to feed dozens because minus four plates for the judges, all the food is donated at the end of the episode. The winner gets a cash prize and a sizable donation to their local food bank.

… This one isn’t even that big a stretch! Food Network? My email’s at the bottom of the page. Let’s make this happen.

As my father likes to say, “when I come to power, there’s going to be some changes”… which is less ominous than it sounds. But for now, I’ll keep brainstorming until a network executive stumbles across this site.

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