Fantastic Flags (And Where to Find Them)
It’s that most exciting time of the year again folks, and you all know what I’m talking about…
Mother-flipping FLAG DAY, y’all!!!
I’ve barely been able to CONTAIN my excitement. Sure, some of those lesser holidays like Halloween and Christmas can be kind of fun, I guess, but when I want to party, I look forward to the flag-waving-est day of them all, and it’s here again!
And what better way to celebrate Flag Day like a true Vexillologist (a word that we definitely all know so I won’t even bother to define it here) than by psyching us all up with some brand new flags designed by yours truly. As a fan of fantasy fiction of all kinds, too often I’ve found myself infuriated by a serious lack of flags in the shows/movies/games in the mainstream. Without a sweet, imaginary flag to focus my attention on, how the hell am I supposed to stay invested in these worlds of fantastical entertainment.
Well, wait no more. I have carefully designed flags for properties desperately lacking symbols of political status. And they’re all right here below!
Narnia: Note the resemblance to the color scheme of the United Kingdom’s flag, while also featuring a lion being sacrificed on a cross. C.S. Lewis didn’t care about subtlety, so why should we?
The Shire: Sure, Gondor and Rohan had flags to represent their people, but where’s the proud symbol of the hobbits? It’s right here, obviously. In honor of the hobbit way of life, This flag is literally just a napkin with jam, butter, and tea stains on it. This flag is like flying Second Breakfast up a flagpole, and gosh darn it, I want to salute.
Wonderland: The simple elegance of this design comes from the fact that it looks like it was designed by someone who was completely out of their mind on drugs, just like Lewis Carroll when he wrote the Alice books!
The Mushroom Kingdom: Technically, the Mushroom Kingdom from the Mario games already HAS a flag, as seen in Super Mario Galaxy. But seeing as they are conquered at the beginning of almost every Mario game, this handy design will save a lot of time in surrendering.
Bikini Bottom: Weirdly enough, Bikini Bottom already had a flag, and it’s this one right here! It’s pretty perfect already, but it does raise a lot of geopolitical questions about Bikini Bottom’s sovereignty. Is Bikini Bottom an independent nation, or a municipality of Neptune’s Kingdom? What is their tax structure like? Are the denizens of this fair city laboring under political tensions with their close neighbors? And, last but not least: if this is the start of the gritty, Game of Thrones style Spongebob reboot we (see: I) have all been waiting for, ARE YOU READY, KIDS?!
Ahem. There you have it. Five fantastical flags for Flag Day. Now, as you join hands for the Flag Day carols, remember, a flag isn’t just a cloth: it’s a community’s very heart raised high for all to see… a heart made of cloth.
Happy Flag day, everyone.