What Your Favorite Marvel Cinematic Universe Hero Says About You*

*The predictions made in this post are note legally binding.

Iron Man: Ya basic.

Captain America: You’re not being honest with yourself. Chris Evans is your favorite. There’s no shame in that. This is a safe space.

Hulk: Man, who cares about the story? You’re here to see stuff get smashed up.

Thor: You’re either really fun at parties or the reason we can’t have them anymore.

Hawkeye: Who?

Black Widow: You’ve got strong feelings about Natasha Romanov’s best hairstyle/gadget combo.

Captain Marvel: You also have a superpower: the superpower to remember what Captain Marvel’s whole deal is after watching her movie. Use this gift wisely. Others are depending on you.

Star Lord: I said “hero,” you know that doesn’t count.

Dr. Strange: You were the kid on the playground who claimed to have all the superpowers at once.

Black Panther: You have un-ironically stated the words “Wakanda Forever.” I’m not knocking it. It’s just the truth.

Ant-Man: When you watch sports, you hope both teams have fun.

Spider-Man: You have yet to think about the moral implications of Tony Stark essentially arming his own child soldier. You’ll ignore those implications because, c’mon. It’s Spider-Man.

Vision: You’ve been cursed by a mysterious fortuneteller. In the future, be nicer to strange, old women you meet when you leave home.

Wanda Maximoff: You just started watching Wandavision. That’s neat. What episode are you on?

Other: Unlike me, you’re managing to keep up with all of the comic book movies, but guess what? It won’t last. Old age is coming for us all. Soon we’ll all be older than Captain America at the end of Endgame, and we’ll have to count on our grandkids to explain it. Why fight it? It’s inevitable.

Oh, that Hawkeye: You will one drive a mini-van and unironically call it your “whip.”