If It Kills Me

I’m not a big fan of the band, The Mountain Goats, but it was hard not to get attached to their song “This Year” in 2020. The song is from their 2005 album, The Sunset Tree, and is about letting the little things in life help you through hard times. The chorus, in particular, is terrific and fun to belt out:

“I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.”

It’s the same kind of joke as naming your band the “Beat”-les… just a little bit clever, and maybe worthy of rolling eyes. But then, if the music’s good enough, you forgive it.

“This Year” was one of the songs I listened to most in 2020. Because I felt on a truly visceral level that 2020 and I were locked in a knockdown, drag-out battle of wills, and that I was going to make it through, even if only out of spite. I sang it to empty rooms in my house, and I meant it.

I was not prepared for 2021 to ALSO be a knockdown, drag-out battle of wills. I didn’t expect some of the global and personal backslides that I encountered this year. I didn’t expect to be this tired. So I’m pumping up “This Year” again, because I AM going to make it through 2021, even it kills me. But it’s a different kind of difficult this year. And I’m going to make it through next year, too, even if it goes the way these last two years have. The future is a highway to who-knows-where, and if I was ever driving the car, I don’t feel like I am now. So I guess I’m making the most of the stereo.