Lord of the Elden Ring

Three rings were made for the elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings.

Seven, to the Dwarf Lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls.

And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire power… But they were all of them deceived.

But they were all of them deceived, for another ring was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret, a master ring, to control all others. And into this ring he poured all his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life: One ring to rule them all.

BUT, then they were even MORE deceived! For yet another ring was made that was more secret and more ruling and definitely more mysterious. And it was called the Elden Ring.

And it was… like, really difficult to explain. See there was a ring. And it was runes and magic and stuff, and I’m pretty sure it has to do with the big tree. Also, it has to do with an immortal lady who died. Probably died. Maybe died. Anyway, the ring was broken, and it was bad. And so the free peoples of the world had to…

Okay, I’m not actually really clear on what they have to do, either. They kill a bunch of monsters and die a lot, that’s for DARN sure. But the overall goal is… maybe they remake the ring? Or they punish the ring breaker? They fix the tree, which is probably broken like the ring? Maybe? Also, there are giant fingers. But they don’t go with the big ring. I don’t think so, any way.

Look, there’s definitely an Elden Lord of the Elden Ring somewhere in this game. So Lord? Check. Ring? Check. Elden? You betcha. These stories probably even take place in the same universe, for a given definition of “probably,” “same,” and “universe.”

… Anyway, I ordered Elden Ring. Wish me luck surviving/understanding it.