Lost Jane Austen Novels
We’re all familiar with Pride and Prejudice, a cutting social commentary wherein two snarky, English aristocrats talk down to and also fall for one another, and Sense and Sensibility, in which… Okay, honestly, I skipped that one. But Jane Austen was far more prolific than you might have guessed and actually had notes for another SEVEN novels in the _____and______ series prepared. It’s true!* Take a look at the other lost novels of one of England’s favorite authors:
Vanes and Vanity: A pretty run-of-the-mill Austen plot about the daughter of an iron-worker making weather vanes for country churches and an aristocratic man with a past that is just dark enough to create a conflict, but doesn’t turn out to be all that dark at all. Probably better off forgotten.
Souls and Soldiers: A moving story of a young woman working as a religious missionary in Africa cursed with the knowledge that the soldier she loves has an inheritance slightly smaller than the cruel, sixty year old morally depraved colonel who wants her hand in marriage!
Hair and Heritage: A novel revolving around a family of bantering barbers and hairdressers hoping to maintain their inheritance when the oldest brother begin to cut corners.
Ham and Hamsters: Austen’s only attempt at children’s literature that went disastrously wrong when the first draft ran four hundred pages and involved multiple secret affairs between lowly, upper-middle-class hamsters and the Guinea pigs that look down on them.
Myrrh and Murder: Now this one was interesting, and starred a fast-talking perfume seller named Janet investigating the murder of a shipping tycoon over his inheritance. While it had all the tense walks through gardens that Austen fans love, the 30 pages of detailed descriptions of murdered bodies worried her publisher, who decided to table it!
Elders and Eldritch: This one got a little weird. In this one, the plain, sensible heroine discovers that her grandfather is part of a cult summoning elder gods from the nightmare realms of Rl’yeh by performing blood sacrifice on the pale virgins of the English countryside. The protagonist needs to protect her dear friend from becoming a victim and stop word from getting out at the next cotillion, or her London season will be ruined!
Pride and Prejudice Two, Wickham’s Revenge: I know I’m going to get killed in the comments for this one, but honestly? Better than the original.
*No it’s not!