A Note from your Favorite Grumpy Teacher

Things that teenagers should not be on:

-TikTok (while I’m teaching).

-My lawn. I see you out there. Stay off of it. Do you have any idea how much reseeding costs? Get off my lawn!

-Scary drugs.

-The highway after 9 PM.

-Group texts with people who make you feel like you don’t matter. You don’t need that kind of negativity. Block numbers when you have to.

-Are you back on my lawn again? Are you going to make me stay on the porch to scare you away? Shoo! There’s nothing for you here! Stay off my lawn!

-Thin ice. There’s a reason we use it as a metaphor. It’s not safe, kids!

-Your own. Support structures are important. Reach out to your friends, your parents, your teachers. Tell them when something is wrong. No one wants you to feel hurt or like you’re in this alone. Asking for help is hard at first but it only gets easier with time. Because when your wellbeing is at risk, the right people will drop everything to be there for you. You matter. You’re special.

-The internet, making fun of how protective I am of my lawn. Houses cost a lot of money, and adults get protective of them. I didn’t even really want this lawn, but now it’s here and I feel like if I don’t take care of it, the neighbors will look down on me. Being a grown up is hard. I’m not sure I’m doing it right. It would mean a lot if you could meet me halfway here and not tear up the grass that I’m stuck taking care of to present the illusion that I belong in the adult world, that I’m not an impostor, that I’m a real, fully-formed human being who deserves the kind of—

-Hey, what was that? Did you just spit? Did you just spit on my lawn?! I told you to stay off the lawn! That’s it; I’m calling the cops.