Pitch, Please Number One

Hollywood’s clearly out of ideas: Dolittle, a Fantasy Island remake… whatever Netflix Original movie came out this week. Cinema is dead, and Hollywood needs a visionary genius to get it back on track.

Instead, here I am. I feel like Hollywood needs a shake-up, so I’m going to start pitching sure-to-be film successes by putting twists on classic film formulas. For example:

In this stunning period drama, a poor orphan in Victorian London attempts to navigate the challenges of class and wealth. Crime, redemption, truth, this young man must face them all, while also confronting his identity as a ______________.

And then, you know, whatever. Just throw in any word. For today, I’m going with “cookie.”

So that leaves us with the tale of…

Oreo Twist: Life isn’t easy on the streets of London for a not-so-tough cookie. Trying to escape the work tree-house of the Keeblers, Oreo escapes into the tutelage of the Jammy Dodger. When the Jammy Dodger introduces him to a merry old cake named Babka, Oreo thinks he’ll be able to work his way out of the slums; not so, he’s only pulled further into a life of crime, pickpocketing and working for crumbs.

Oreo will have to free himself from Babka’s influence and find his better angel-foods.

Will it be easy? Of course not. But will it change the lives of all those around him?

You bet your biscuit.

Hollywood producers, feel free to reach me here. If you’d like to be a collaborator in my rise to stardom, feel free to help me fill in the blanks on this next prompt:

She’s a ______________. He’s a ________________. They said their love shouldn’t be. But sometimes love is deaf as well as blind. Their sensitive passion will change their __________ forever, but no one ever said love was easy.

Help me write this groundbreaking screenplay! Add your suggestions in the comments or on Twitter @SharpeWrites