Nostalgia is a Hell of a Drug
Feeling down? Has life lost its savor? Do the simple joys that used to come so easy seem impossibly distant?
You may be suffering from LIFE. Millions of Americans every year suffer from LIFE. Existence is a crucible in which the hearts of humanity are scourged with flame. Joy is fleeting. Taxes are inevitable.
For many, LIFE starts at a young age.
NOSTALGIA works by tapping into memories of a time before you were aware of reality’s constant milling down of the human spirit.
“I was avoiding my responsibilities, filling my hours with repetitive tasks that didn’t bring me any real joy. Then a friend mentioned a very popular TV show from when we were younger that nobody really talks about anymore. We spent hours quoting our favorite lines to each other and remembering how excited it used to make us. Now every time I try to sing the theme song, I burst out laughing. Thanks, NOSTALGIA!”
“All my needs are met, but I still feel empty inside. Then I remembered one of those weird, primitive video game consoles from back when I was younger, and the games I had to obsess over because I couldn’t afford to buy new games when they came out. I’ve been watching replays on Youtube for six hours, and my heart can feel again. NOSTALGIA has given me a boost I didn’t know I was desperate for.”
“I pump up my NOSTALGIA playlist, and now I can’t hear the burdens of my real life!”
NOSTALGIA can make even the most trivial objects seem profound by taking you back to time when you felt like you had it all figured out: crappy MP3 players, inflatable furniture, toys your mom kept for all these years because she loves you and knows that days like these call for a trip down memory lane.
Stop dreading the future. Start reliving the glory days. Try NOSTALGIA.
Side effects of NOSTALGIA may include a misremembering of life as it was, poor fashion sense, and an abstract longing that may be impossible to fulfill. Talk to your older siblings when considering NOSTALGIA to keep you grounded: not everything holds up.