Notes from Mr. Sharpe’s Class

First semester is wrapping up in my corner of the world, and one of my students shared their notes of the off-hand jokes I’ve been making the past few months.

It’s quite possibly the greatest gift I’ve ever received, and proves definitively that I deserve my own reality show. Before I share a few (the list went on for pages,) I want to assure you that all of the following are real and said before a class full of witnesses. Thanks, fourth period.

“I think we should start with a murder story. That’s the best way to get to know someone. How they react to murder.” –First Day of Class

“You guys need to know I would never lie to you. Unless it would be more entertaining to lie to you. Then I would.” –Frequently

“He does the eyes that you do when you’re in love— You know what I mean, you’re fourteen.” –On Romeo Montague.

“You don’t get it, MOM!” –Context unclear

“See, this is how you make friends. You hate things together.” –Life advice

“In summation, I’m inspired by Itsy-Bitsy spiders but afraid of big ones.” –On the subject of songs that inspire me

“I will put the fear of the internet in you if you try to use Buzzfeed News in this essay.” –On source reliability

“The world’s on fire, experts say…” –Small talk

“I’ll eat your garbage fries when I’m in Hell, kids! I don’t care how many friends you make in Texas! That’s my stand and I’m sticking with it.” –Unprompted

Here’s to another weird semester of teaching.