O, Christmas Rant

This one goes out to all the streaming services, film studios, TV stations, and keepers of our holiday programming:

Get your Yuletide @#$% together.

I remember being a kid and watching all those old-timey Christmas specials night in and night out. Frosty, The Grinch, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, The Year without a Santa Claus, A Charlie Brown Christmas and every other Claymation/hand-drawn animated Christmas special a child jones-ing for December 25th could ask for.  

And this year, of all years, it would be great to pull up one of the half-dozen streaming services most of us are paying for, and find those old, holiday standards. But you’ve carved them up like the Christmas Roast Beast! Apple Plus needs exclusive rights to Charlie Brown. The Boris Karloff Grinch is high on his mountain, refusing to come down for any seasonal streaming. And you’d think Frosty is still wanted by that same profiling policeman as he was in 1969, because he’s completely off the grid!

Look. Christmas is about togetherness. And in a year where even physical togetherness for the holidays is at risk, I need you all to come together, pool your resources, and let my inner child and me watch holiday animation over a steaming mug of hot cocoa. I know it’ll take a miracle. But this is exactly the time of year for it.