New Monsters for those Kids from Stranger Things

Look, like many of you, I have been patiently awaiting a fourth season of one of my favorite Netflix original shows, Winona Ryder is the Only Good Parent in the 1980’s… I mean, Stranger Things.

After all, what a whirlwind the first few seasons were! Demogorgons! Psychics! Steve’s rise to prominence as the greatest babysitter of the age!

I miss it as much as you do. But since the show has already done Demogorgons and Mindflayers from Dungeons and Dragons, I’ve taken it on myself to create a list of NEW monsters our favorite adolescent monster hunters can face:

1.     The Flumph, a flying jellyfish with eyes who’s technically good, but shows that goodness by snitching on evil-doers, leading to that old adage: Flumphs get Bump…ed off.

2.     Intellect Devourers: brains with legs that knock people unconscious. Good luck getting Eleven to save you for the fourth season in a row when a little brain on legs has just knocked her out, team!

3.     Dividing Up Gas Money: Look, those little kids are about ready to start driving, and sure, Dustin SAYS he’ll pay you back next week, but then the new Aquaman comic comes out, and Mike’s begging his parents for gas money three weeks straight. And Lucas, ew, why are you bringing your gym bag in the front seat? Throw it in the trunk! You know what, never mind, from now on you can bike everywhere.

4.     Flail Snail: It’s a big snail with flails coming out of its face. I wish I were making it up.

5.     Dragons: Look, we all know where this is going, and it’s pretty clear it’s dragons. What’s scarier than a demogorgon? A dragon. What’s scarier than a Mind Flayer? A dragon. Stop teasing us, Netflix, give us the Dragon!

6.     Growing Up:

…You know, what, never mind. Too scary.