Thoughtful Vocabulary: Toxic Positivity
“Cheer up” is one of the strangest commands in the English language. Much like “calm down” and “don’t be mad,” it’s completely unhelpful (happiness? Why didn’t I think of that!) and dismissive. It’s another way of saying, “Don’t feel that feeling you’re feeling. What if you felt the feeling that I wanted you to feel instead?”
“Cheer up,” is a mantra of toxic positivity. And while toxic positivity isn’t exactly new, it’s not exactly going anywhere either, so I wanted to jot down my thoughts on the subject today.
I’ve done some cursory research on when the term was first coined/popularized and come up empty, but it’s become much more visible in the last five years or so. The term refers to a fixation or focus on being positive that leads to harmful effects. American culture has been fond of the idea of “the power of positive thinking” for a long time. Sure, the whole world might be against you, but if you keep smiling and working, you, too, can become wealthy and fulfilled.
Oh, you aren’t wealthy? Were you smiling hard enough?
As it turns out, while there’s a very real danger to capsizing under negative feelings in the absence of all positivity, trying to replace real distress with smiley-faces is a recipe for disaster. It allows stress to build up to unmanageable levels, makes it harder for loved ones to recognize issues, and sometimes leads to vicious self-blame. To put it another way, it’s possible to drown in half-full glasses.
Pixar’s Inside Out did a terrific job illustrating this concept. The film takes place largely in the head of Riley, a teenager moving across country with her parents and dealing with the stresses of growing up and fitting in. The film’s personification of emotions led to Joy, portrayed by Amy Poehler, on a mission to turn all those negative feelings into fun, ends up doing considerably more harm than good. It’s not until Sadness, voiced pitch-perfectly by Phyllis Smith, has a chance to explain how sadness lets others know Riley needs help and work through stress that Riley has a chance to face her feelings and grow.
No, this is not a picture of me as a child, DESPITE the uncanny resemblance. (Walt Disney studios home entertainment. (2015). Inside out. United States.)
To paraphrase Mr. Rogers, feelings are mentionable and manageable. When you can talk about anger, sadness, and anxiety, and when people around you acknowledge those feelings without trying to bright-side your feelings away, you end up with the time and support you need to address your feelings. And then you actually have a chance of cheering up.