Dialogue Between Self and Adult Brain

Me: God, why does my stomach feel awful?

Adult Brain: Huh. You don’t think it was the fast food you had for lunch, do you?

Me: I… Yeah, OK. Asked and answered.

Adult Brain: But that can’t be right! You were responsible! You ordered the side salad!

Me: No, I thought about it… But the onion rings and pretzel bites sounded really good, so—

Adult Brain: Oh, really? So you remembered that the side salad was an option, and then you chose even more fried food. Weird…

Me: Look, I get it. I should have ordered a salad. But the rest of my meal was fried, liquid cheese, or a chocolate shake. I don’t think the salad would have helped that much. 

Adult Brain: … It would have.

Me: As if!

Adult Brain: The fiber would have soaked up all that grease.

Me: That’s not how it works.

Adult Brain: Wow, everyone get a load of the dietician over here! Please ignore the fast food hangover!

Me: Yes. Bad decision. Got it.

Adult Brain: He knows all about the science of nutrition, just look at the receipt!

Me: I know it was unhealthy! I’m having a bad week! And when I’m having a bad week, I just want some food that will make me feel good.

Adult Brain: Oh, so like a salad. 

Me: You can absolutely go to hell. 

Adult Brain: Oh, I am WELL on my way! If only someone had ordered a sal—